Tech Support Calls from Hell

Found these on a website called Computer Stupidities…

• Customer: “Me machine’s broke.”
• Me: “Ok, what wrong with it?”
• Customer: “I’ve just tole yer — IT’S BROKE!”
• Me: “Ok, so what’s it doing wrong?”
• Customer: “Nothing.”

…

• Me: “Is there anything on the screen?”
• Customer: “Yeh, garbage.”
• Me: “What sort of garbage?”
• Customer: “I’ve tole yer — garbage.”

…

• Me: “Can you read out the garbage to me?”

• Customer: “P-L-E-A-S-E  P-R-E-S-S  E-N-T-E …… !” (click)

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About a year ago, a customer from Roswell, NM, called in to place an order. To break the ice, I jokingly asked if he or any of his neighbors had seen any aliens lately. The guy laughed and proceeded to tell me all about the crazies (his word, not mine) that not only live in Roswell but who come on vacation there in hopes of seeing a UFO themselves. As he talked, I processed the order, and the last bit of information I needed to complete it was the guy’s email address for marketing purposes.

• Customer: “Email! I won’t have anything to do with that Internet or modems of any sort! You should be careful about those. Don’t you know that once you install a modem, the government can look into your computer and watch everything you do? That’s why every night before I go to bed, I turn the monitor to the wall.

This is Kolametal, signing off.